By Stephanie Boxerbaum
Stephanie is an entertainment attorney and founding partner of Box Counsel. She is also the creator of The High Vibe Secret Society, a lifestyle brand for the business minded and wellness driven woman. You can check out her Facebook group here.
I remember calling my dietician right after having my first baby and asking whether I was “supposed to be” on a diet. By “right after” having my baby, I literally mean about three weeks into the whole thing. After all, there is no shortage of pre-baby/post-baby Instagram pictures with sometimes almost unbelievable comparisons or ads telling you how to “get your body back” knocking at your door. Lucky for me, my dietician knew the right things to say.
You see, I had an eating disorder years ago. Despite the fact that I was an attorney with a busy life living in Los Angeles, SO much of my energy was spent on food/workouts. Determined not to screw up my soon to be born children (and I had not even met my husband yet either!), I reached a point where I knew I needed to get help to address my issues around food. How could I bring new people into the world with the desire to guide them to the best of my ability when I thought eating a few cheerios for lunch seemed like a good idea?
After years of work on myself and these issues (of course meeting my husband in the process), I knew I was in the right headspace to have a baby and could support the idea that while my body would need to expand during pregnancy, I would be able to eventually and naturally “get my body back”. I had to feel comfortable eating more calories and knowing that my mission was to support this loving being growing inside of me. It felt uncomfortable but there was no way I was going to let my fear of how my body would look stop me from having a baby. When she arrived, I still remember after the C-section thinking that now was the time for me to really put all of my hard work into action and love my body no matter what.
After all, there is no shortage of pre-baby/post-baby Instagram pictures with sometimes almost unbelievable comparisons or ads telling you how to “get your body back” knocking at your door.
I felt truly blessed and so appreciative when my daughter was born (after 27 hours of labor!). However, even with all of the work I had done to prepare for my post baby body’s arrival, I had my doubts. When I called my dietician that day, the answer was simple. No amount of dieting a few weeks out from having a baby would do anything except put my body in a state of deprivation (which no one needs when there is plenty of sleep deprivation happening already). My mind was in no kind of place a new mom’s needs to be. She helped to put me at ease and gave the gentle reminder that being in a state of nurturing, self-compassion and love – which is what ALL women need right after they have a baby - was the path to re-discover in my motherhood journey. I loved the reminder and really put into action true routines of self-care.
After having my second daughter, the path was even easier to follow and truly, I want my daughters to love and honor their bodies. The messages they receive on these topics all start with me (and my husband) so I remind myself of that whenever necessary! I hear women stress all the time about their bodies, foods that they shouldn’t be eating especially around the post baby timing and while sometimes they are sarcastic (e.g., I already had my baby and still look three months pregnant), under the sarcasm typically is pain and/or shame.
Being in a state of nurturing, self-compassion and love – which is what ALL women need right after they have a baby - was the path to re-discover in my motherhood journey.
ALL women deserve to be reminded to appreciate their body day in and day out. I am all for eating healthy and working out, mainly so you can put your energy into areas of your life you truly enjoy – especially like bonding with your baby! I call it living life from a high vibe perspective. Maximizing all of your energy to keep you in your flow.
Many people talk about how it takes 9 months to have a baby and you should expect it to take that long (or longer) to get your body back. I would like to throw out the idea that maybe it isn’t about “getting your body back” but more that the focus is spent honoring and appreciating your body. Listening. Nurturing. Focusing on health and not listening to the inner critic inside that jumps out from time to time. Having a baby is a beautiful gift and if food and/or body image thoughts are running a little too rampant in your mind, there are people you can see to talk about it. I am here to give recommendations anytime!
Just some tips to keep handy:
1. If you aren’t fitting into your clothes, buy clothes that do fit. It will make you feel better instead of cringing every time you go into your closet. Body acceptance takes time and doesn’t mean that you just give up. It just means you can love yourself and appreciate everything you did to have a baby while your body finds itself again.
2. Snacks and more snacks. As new moms, we are busy, tired, busy again and then even more tired again. Have healthy snacks on hand at all times. Foods that fuel you and you can grab quickly – and foods that you love. If you don’t like carrot sticks, take those off the list!
3. Love and more love. Every time that voice creeps in – the way your stomach looks, the way your boobs look, if your pants feel tight, whatever it is…shift toward love. You have everything to be proud of so march that body around and own its beauty!!
4. Think high vibe thoughts. This may sound a little airy-fairy BUT…when you start questioning your body, how you look…literally tap back into your high vibe self. The part of you that honors everything, believes in everything and is just as beautiful as the new baby that has arrived in your life. You just brought ANOTHER HUMAN BEING into the world! If that isn’t high vibe, I don’t know what is! Don’t let any negativity bring you down, ever!
I would like to throw out the idea that maybe it isn’t about “getting your body back” but more that the focus is spent honoring and appreciating your body.
I wish so much love to anyone who is experiencing the joys of motherhood. If you looked in the mirror today to only think your dieting should kick in, let this be a gentle reminder that you are already amazing just as you are, no dieting necessary.